


Stop (don't stop)

by TDaL



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Awkwardness, Falling In Love, First Kiss, First Meetings, Hurt/Comfort, Keith is an awkward bean, M/M, Pre-Series, Shiro loves it
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-22
Updated: 2016-08-16
Packaged: 2018-07-26 02:42:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,563
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7556974
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TDaL/pseuds/TDaL
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Keith is overwhelmed by Shiro. From everything to his smile, his eyes, the gentle way that his hands hold onto him.</p>
<p>It isn't until later that he realizes that he was in love with Shiro- and by then, it was already too late.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> For anyone following me on Tumblr, you knew this had to come at one point.
> 
> I'd like to dedicate this to [missmeeya](http://http://missmeeya.tumblr.com//) who has just been throwing out Sheith headcanons which gave me even more inspiration and for making me super excited to finish writing this.

The way they meet is a total accident.

Keith really just needs space from the other cadets in his year. After his run in the flight simulator they had all clambered forward to talk to him, excited and impressed that he had nearly beaten the current high score. And Keith- Keith really doesn't care. All he wants is to fly, get his hands on a real machine and for now he has to make do with a simulation until he was deemed ready to do the real thing.

So naturally, the moment that he could, Keith slips away when everyone's attention shifted as their group was being dismissed. Which leads him to walking through a hallway, his fists clenching at his sides and his gaze firmly locked on the ground.

He really doesn't even notice that someone had come around the corner until he bumps into something and was slammed against the corridor wall as a result. 

"Oh man, sorry. I didn't see you there." There are hands grabbing onto his shoulders and Keith skitters away, moving along the wall to get away from them.

"Don't worry about it," and Keith means it. He doesn't want this person to stick around any longer than necessary just because they bumped into each other. He looks up and the only thing that he's surprised to see is that the man he bumped in to was wearing an officers uniform. 

He's taller than Keith and his haircut is a little strange (but is Keith really one to talk?), and other than that there's nothing special about him. 

After an initial glance, Keith lowers his eyes, shoving his hands into his pant pockets and walking off, already writing it off as a random encounter.

\--

The thing is, that after that, Keith sees the officer just about everywhere. It's like one of those times where someone brings a specific thing to your attention and it sticks in your mind and you start inexplicably seeing it wherever you look.

First it's in the mess hall. Which isn't strange in and of itself seeing as practically the entire Garrison gets food at the same time, but Keith finds that his gaze lingers for longer than necessary. Just watching the officer talking and smiling with the others at his table. He shakes his head, grumbling under his breath as he walks off to find a secluded place to sit.

After that there's encounters in the hallway and seeing him walking on the other side of the courtyard. Keith notices that the officer is never really alone, almost always having at least one person at his side.

The next time Keith sees him alone is when his group has been dismissed from a combat flying sim and he's right there, standing by the glass that allows passersby to watch the cadets either succeed or fail. 

He has an arm reached out, leaning against the glass with faint smile on his lips. "So you're the cadet who is getting close to breaking all those high scores."

Keith doesn't reply, just looks at the officer with an impassive look because high scores really aren't something that he cares about.

The officer pushes off of the glass, turning fully towards Keith. "You could get booked for that, you know?"

It's not what Keith was expecting to hear. "Excuse me?" He sounds as confused as he feels.

"The state of your uniform." He points out and Keith looks down at himself.

Technically his shirt isn't tucked in properly and his jacket is open as well, but he's always been walking around like this. Before just now, no one had ever commented on it. "Please, like anyone really cares about that."

In hindsight it was probably a stupid thing to say.

Especially when three days later he bumps into an officer who is either having a bad day or was just a bit of an asshole, because Keith gets booked for his uniform.

It's just the cherry on top that when he's heading to another simulator that when he nears the room he hears his fellow cadets whispering.

"Oh my god. Is that Takashi Shirogane?"

"What? Where? Oh man, is he going to be watching? I think I might swoon!"

Keith looks over and there the officer is. His arms crossed over his chest and looking around. There's an aborted thought in his mind that he should walk over and say something, but the instructor arrives and any conversation is promptly halted.

For once Keith hangs around after everything is finished. Just to see what the officer does. It's not really a surprise that he sticks around, not even looking surprised when Keith walks over to him. "You look so nice and proper today."

Which was exactly the kind of thing that Keith really did not want to hear. He grits his teeth as he replies. "Was this your fault?"

"Good job in the sim." And he's going to talk around it, really? "It won't be long until you break those records of mine. It's about time someone does. I'm Shiro." The officer- Shiro holds his hand out to Keith.

"I know." Keith feels completely dignified as he walks past Shiro, not even looking at his hand. 

There's an amused chuckle from behind him. "You could at least tell me your name!"

"It's Keith." He calls out, not looking over his shoulder as he continues on his way.

\--

Shiro pops up even more after that, if it was even possible. Sometimes he nods at Keith in greeting, sometimes he walks over and tries to make conversation. He doesn't even back off when Keith deliberately gives him the cold shoulder.

It isn't until Keith goes into the training room and sees Shiro waving at him from the bench press that he finally gives in and walks over. "Hey there, Keith. Mind spotting for me?"

For a moment Keith thinks about declining, but he finds himself shrugging instead. "Sure."

After letting him in, it's hard to stay away.

\--

Shiro is a different kind of person, Keith figures out. Doesn't look up to him because he has talent, doesn't look down on him because he's an orphan. Shiro is just- Shiro. 

Before Keith only knew of Takashi Shirogane through the rumours he had heard. The most talented pilot in the Garrison in several decades. The holder of nearly all of the high scores in simulators and training exercises. 

Now that he knows him, sees Shiro as a person and not just a glorified name, Keith sees that there's so much more to him.

\--

It's Shiro who gets his hand on the hoverbike.

"It was being decommissioned. Newer models were brought in and this one was beat up. I talked the requisitions officer and it's mine now." Shiro says with a smile.

Keith doubts that it was really that easy, but he wasn't about to question Shiro. Especially not when he takes his uniform jacket off, goes over to a toolbox and hands Keith a wrench.

He smiles and Keith's stomach turns a little, though he has no idea why. "Let's see if we can fix her up."

\--

Keith doesn't know how to deal with whatever it is that he's feeling. The way that his stomach flutters when Shiro smiles at him, the way his eyes are drawn to Shiro's lips as he's talking. All he knows is that he's being sucked in. Almost like Shiro is a black hole. 

The worst part- is that Keith finds that he wants to be sucked in. 

He's always been a bit of a loner. Preferring to keep to himself rather than stick around for the company of others. But with Shiro it's different and Keith wouldn't be able to tell anyone why. 

Maybe it's because he's such a calming and stabilizing presence. Shiro is there, but he lets Keith have his space. Even when they're working on the bike or staying up past curfew to spar with each other in the training room. There's just something intrinsic about the way they work together. 

Even when Shiro reaches out to touch him, place a hand on his shoulder and Keith flinches slightly in response because he's not used to others touching him so casually. Even then Shiro just smiles at him and pulls his hand away. Apologizes and then continues on like nothing happened.

It's oddly freeing. And as time goes on Keith gets used to the smaller touches. A pat on the shoulder, a playful bump of the hip. He finds that he likes the small touches. 

\--

The first time that Keith tries to reciprocate Shiro's touches, he finds that he can't do it for the life of him. His hand hovers an inch from Shiro's shoulder blade and he's so happy that Shiro can't really see it.

His heart is pounding so hard in his chest that Keith is surprised that Shiro can't hear it. 

He reels back when Shiro straightens up again, looking over his shoulder with a faint smile. Now Keith isn't really one to blush, but his face feels so hot right now and he can't tell if Shiro notices because his expression never changes. How is Keith supposed to know what's going on when he isn't given any cues?

"So I hear your class is going to do a worst case scenario sim soon." Shiro says conversationally.

Keith's throat is so clogged up that he just jerkily nods his head.

"Well, good luck. I actually failed that sim twice, if you would believe it."

They part soon after that and Keith is disappointed in himself. Shiro has been such a good friend to him- yes, he actually considers Shiro to be his friend, maybe his only one- and Keith just feels like they're so imbalanced. He vows that he'll keep trying until he gets it right.

And he loses count of his aborted attempts after about thirteen. It's no use to count failures. It's the successes that count.

It actually happens out of the blue after a run. For once the desert wasn't scorching hot and there was hardly any wind, so no sand was whipping around in the air. Shiro suggests going for a run outside for once and Keith agrees. Mostly because he does feel a little bit antsy when he's inside for too long.

Their run is good. They don't really talk, but that's what makes it even better. Keith likes it better that way. With Shiro silences don't feel awkward at all. 

After they've done Shiro tosses him a bottle of water, which Keith greedily drinks as Shiro stretches next to him. Keith doesn't even notice what he's doing until Shiro speaks up.

"Mind moving your arm?"

Keith looks over and he sees Shiro bent over, his hands hanging down by his feet. It takes Keith a few seconds before he realizes that he's resting his arm on Shiro's shoulder. 

He quickly pulls back. "Oh. Uh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to."

As Shiro straightens up, he stretches his arms over his head. "Don't worry about it. I don't mind." 

"Yeah, but still." Keith grumbles.

"I like it." Shiro says as he pats Keith's shoulder.

"Like what?" He asks, but Shiro just smiles at him and starts walking back to the entrance of the Garrison. Keith stares at him with an open mouth before he walks after him. "Like what? Shiro!"

They're both laughing when Keith walks up and shoves Shiro, who just shoves back and takes off running. Keith hurries after Shiro and they're bumping into each other and shoving each other as they go back to their rooms for a well-deserved shower.

\--

"I think she might be done."

They're in the hanger together, working on the hoverbike that just refuses to cooperate with them. Keith doesn't know how long they've been working on it, but it feels like it's been forever. 

"Really?" He asks as he watches Shiro clean off his hands with a rag. There's a smudge of grease along his cheekbone, but Keith isn't going to tell him that it's there.

Shiro hums to himself as he does a full check over the bike. Keith steps back, letting Shiro do whatever it is that he needs to.

Its music to his ears when Shiro starts up the bike and the engine seems to stutter for a few seconds before running smoothly. Their eyes meet as they look at each other and Keith can feel his mouth curling into a smile to mimic the one on Shiro's face.

"Let's see how she runs." Shiro tosses the cloth at Keith and he quickly cleans off his hands as the hanger door opens up. "The bike isn't really made for two people," Shiro says as he walks passed Keith, "but if you hold on tight then we should be fine."

A little while ago Keith would have been a bit uncomfortable doing that, but now he anxiously waits for Shiro to get on the bike so he can get on with him. There's only the slightest bit of hesitation when they do get on together, but Keith wraps his arms around Shiro's waist just before the bike revs and they're moving out of the hanger.

Neither of them are wearing helmets, but Keith likes it better this way. The way he can feel the wind whipping through his hair. It feels like he's actually flying. 

Keith is in high spirits when Shiro says that he feel confident enough they can go a little bit further and he drives them out to an abandoned part of the Garrison that was used decades ago as a runway. Of course, that's when the engine suddenly starts to sputter again and Keith can feel that it's starting to give out. Shiro mutters under his breath as they pull to a stop. He's just about to get off when the engine suddenly backfire and the hoverbike suddenly clatters to the ground. 

He tries to brace himself on the seat, but Keith still whips forward and smacks his head against Shiro's back.

There's a moment of silence before Keith groans, reaching up to rub his hand on his forehead. "Are you okay?" Shiro says and Keith nods before he realizes that Shiro hasn't turned around yet and speaks up.

"Yeah... What happened?"

"I have no idea." Shiro slips out of the seat and kneels down to remove a panel to look at the engine. Keith scoots forward into the seat, watching as Shiro's brows furrow as he stares at the engine, trying to figure out what went wrong.

The engine is hot right now and there's nothing Shiro can do but give it a quick look over. He sighs and wipes some sweat off his brow as he stands up.

Keith is staring. He knows he is, but it's hard not to. Shiro's mouth is pulled back in a slight frown, but it also kind of looks like a pout as well, like he’s so disappointed that the bike gave out on him. He's out of his jacket and his sleeves are rolled up, revealing his forearms and that stupid smudge of grease is glistening as sweat pooled on it. Keith leans back slightly when Shiro suddenly leans closer to him.

"Are you sure you're alright? My back feels like you smacked your head pretty hard." And Keith is looking at Shiro's lips. Shiro is a vision right now and his lips are suddenly closer, but Keith doesn't realize he's the one that's leaning in until he presses their lips together.

His own eyes are still open and he can see Shiro's widen and the way his shoulders suddenly stiffen in that tight shirt of his and Keith reels back, slapping his hand on his mouth. "Oh god. I'm sorry." What in the world was that? Why would he do that? Why? Keith starts moving so he can slip off of the bike on the opposite side of Shiro, but he doesn't get very far when he feels Shiro's hand wrap around his arm.

"Keith, wait." Shiro says, punctuating his words by tugging on Keith's arm, but nothing really happens because now they're on opposite sides of the bike. "Look at me, Keith. Please."

This is it. Keith is going to turn around and of course he's ruined the only friendship that he has. It'll be easy to get used to being alone again. He's been alone for so long it won't be hard. He takes a deep breath and looks at Shiro expecting to see an angry expression, but his exhale stutters when he sees that there's a blush on Shiro's face and a gentle smile.

"Y'know, when you kiss someone you've got to give a little bit of warning." Shiro says with a nervous chuckle and his hand is sweaty on Keith's arm and he can't tell if it's from the heat or something else. "Ask me."

"W-what?" He doesn't know what Shiro means. What does he want from him now?

"I said, ask me." Keith just stares at Shiro for a few moments and watches as Shiro shakes his head. "Right. Okay. This is you we're talking about and... Can I kiss you?"

Keith doesn't say anything. His mouth is completely dry and he can't explain why, but he must nod or something because the anxious look on Shiro's face falls before he leans forward. It's just a simple press of their lips and this time Keith can actually take a moment to just feel. His own lips are chapped, but Shiro's are so smooth and soft. He mourns the loss of them when Shiro leans back again and Keith unconsciously licks his lips.

"Didn't you like it?" Shiro suddenly asks and Keith feels his brows furrow.

"What?" He doesn't know what Shiro means.

Shiro reaches up with his free hand to scratch the back of his neck, his eyes suddenly flittering everywhere that isn't Keith. "You're just really stiff is all."

His mouth falls open and he wants to reassure Shiro that he does like it, but Keith's brain and mouth aren't really connected at the moment. "Oh." And Shiro- he does the worst thing possible. He starts pulling away and his hand loosens. "No!" Keith reaches out to clamp his hand on Shiro's. "It was the first time and I don't- I can do better."

Shiro finally looks at him again and Keith swallows around a lump in his throat as he leans forward again. His heart flutters as Shiro meets him halfway to kiss him again.

Is this what Keith wanted? Is that why he's so drawn to Shiro and wants nothing more than to just be close to him? 

Shiro starts moving his lips. It feels strange, so Keith tries to move his along with him. A shiver goes through him when he suddenly feels Shiro's hand slipping under the hair at the nape of his neck to hold onto him and tug him closer. It's awkward because they're both leaning over the hoverbike, so they can't get much closer than they already are. Keith even has to push up into his toes to keep it up.

Then Shiro suddenly pulls away and starts laughing. Keith's lips are still parted and his eyes open, blinking in confusion. For a second he's worried and his stomach turns unpleasantly, but Shiro moves the hand in his neck to his jaw, his thumb gently running over Keith's bottom lip. 

"I'm sorry. You're just so stiff and it feels like I'm kissing a plank of wood." Keith immediately frowns and opens his mouth to give Shiro a piece of his mind, but the officer keeps talking. "But that's okay. We'll practice more."

Keith's teeth click together as he closes his mouth. That was good. Right? Shiro's still smiling at him and he basically said they could kiss again.

"There's just one problem."

"What?"

"How are we getting back to the Garrison?"

\--

Much to Keith's surprise, nothing really seems to change. Aside from the kissing of course.

Keith really likes the kissing.

Really, really likes it.

If fact, every time that they get the chance its Keith that pulls Shiro in to kiss him. There's nothing that he enjoys more than relaxing on the couch in Shiro's room with his arms wrapped around him as they lazily kiss. At first Shiro seems a little surprised by it, but it doesn't take long for him to just go along with it.

Because he does his own little thing as well.

Keith notices it really fast because Shiro suddenly starts touching him more, even in public. It's mostly just his hand in Keith's shoulder and the little touches that he was already doing before, but he gets a bit bolder.

Shiro does learn the hard way that he needs to telegraph what he's doing though.

One night Keith's waiting in the training room for Shiro when suddenly arms wrap around him from behind. He jolts and his arm instinctively moves back to elbow the person behind him.

There's an exhale of breath before the person steps away from him and Keith takes the chance to turn around, his hands already up, ready to punch whoever touched him, when he sees that it's Shiro that's bent over, clutching his stomach.

"Shiro?" Keith steps forward, his hand reached out to touch him, but Shiro lifts his hand and he stops in his tracks.

"It's okay. I'm fine. Just didn't expect that, is all." He stands up straight again, rubbing his ribs. "You know, you have very bony elbows, flyboy."

"Sorry." He says, because Keith really does feel bad. He actually has been trying to get used to Shiro touching him more intimately now, but apparently it isn't exactly working. "I don't usually hug people."

To try and make it up to Shiro, Keith steps forward, this time pulling Shiro's hand away from his ribs to kiss the spot he was rubbing at. It's strange to kiss fabric, but Keith could deal with it. For Shiro he could.

He looks up and Shiro's gaze, those stunning grey eyes, is just locked on him, so he leans up to kiss him.

They kiss for a few moments, nothing more than their lips moving together, before Keith pulled back. "You're were going to show me that grapple."

Shiro looks down at him and then starts, like it took a few moments for his brain to catch up with what Keith said. "Right. Let's do that." He clears his throat and Keith smiles at him.

\--

They're in Shiro's room and technically Keith isn't allowed in here, but when has he ever let rules stop him? There's also the rule that an officer isn't allowed to be involved with a cadet in this form of manner, but that hadn't stopped them either.

At this point kissing is one of Keith's favorite things to do. Now that he's gotten the hang of it. If he got his way he could kiss Shiro for hours on end, until the both of them were out of breath and their lips were red, puffy and bruised. 

This time is different though. Keith felt it when he climbed onto Shiro's lap and Shiro's hands rested on his hips as he leaned in to kiss him.

It's heavy. Heavier than it's ever been before and Keith is gasping into the kiss, his arms wrapped around Shiro's neck as Shiro moans along with him. It's different in that when he feels how excited he is getting that he doesn't pull away. Not even when Shiro pulls him closer and he can feel just how excited the officer is as well against his thigh.

"Keith," Shiro mutters softly when he pulls away from the kiss to catch his breath and he's never said his name like that before. 

Keith surges in to kiss Shiro again, his hands clutching onto the back of his neck to keep him close, keep him from getting too far away. He's breathless, dizzy, feels like his heart is about to burst out of his chest.

It all comes to a screeching halt when Keith feels Shiro's hand, under his shirt and toying with the band of his boxers. He pulls away from the kiss. "Stop!" Keith gasps out and Shiro does. The instant that the word comes out of Keith, Shiro pulls his hand away. Not only the one that was under his shirt, but also the one that was still on his hip. And for a moment, Keith feels guilty. So guilty that he put a stop to this when it was clear how good Shiro felt and he looks away, his face hot and feeling ashamed.

It was Shiro. It was just Shiro and Keith- he wants this, but not... He doesn't know how to explain it. Not even to himself.

And then Shiro is cupping his face, tilting his head up. Keith expects to see some kind of disappointment, but all he can see is Shiro's eyes clearing up from his arousal and softening and a faint smile on his bruised lips. "I'm sorry. That was my fault."

Impossibly Keith's face feels even hotter. How could Shiro be apologizing when he was the one that pulled away? "I'm the one that should be sorry," he muttered.

"No. We never talked about this and I just assumed rather than asking. But it's okay. We have all the time in the world." Shiro replied, the smile growing as he pulled Keith's head down to kiss him on his forehead.

Keith doesn't say anything. Just opts to hide how he's feeling because he swears that his heart just swelled at Shiro's words. He was impossible, unreal even. How was Shiro even an actual human being and why was he deciding to spend so much time with Keith?

But he was right. So right.

\--

Except they didn't have much time after that. Shortly after Shiro was assigned to a mission to Kerberos. Much of his time was spent training for that, getting to know his crew mates and plan for the trip.

Keith didn't mind, because at the end of the day Shiro would always come by, no matter how tired he was, just to say hello to him. Sometimes they would kiss. Sometimes Keith would lean against Shiro, pressed close against his side and his arm slung over his shoulders as they basked in comfortable silence.

Then Shiro left.

And after that...

After that, it turned out that they didn't have any time at all.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith is counting the days until Shiro comes back from the Kerberos mission.
> 
> Until he finds out that Shiro isn’t going to be coming back at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one took a bit longer because I didn't really have a clear idea of what I wanted to do for this bit. But I like what came out of it.
> 
> Still for [missmeeya](https://shirosredknight.tumblr.com/), who's been writing amazing sheith prompts and it just amazing overall.

Keith finds out just as he's getting ready to go into a flight sim when a cadet runs over, waving his holo-tablet at them. "Something happened to the Kerberos crew!"  
  
Everyone clambers around the cadet, even as their instructor tries to get a hold of them to calm everyone down. Keith stays near the entrance of the simulator and listens to the words.  
  
"Are they dead?"  
  
"What happened?"  
  
"Apparently it was pilot error..."  
  
_Pilot error._  
  
Something within Keith just immediately rejects the idea without question. Pilot error? With Shiro? There was no way. It was so far out of the realm of possibilities that it was almost laughable.  
  
The instructor manages to reign the other cadets in and a few minutes later Keith in sitting in the cockpit. Takeoff goes smoothly, but the moment that the screen in front of him changes the scenery to space, Keith can feel his hands shaking.

For the first time ever he screws up a simulation.  
  
His fellow cadets are staring at him with wide eyes as he steps out and Keith ignores them and the instructor as he asks Keith and his crew exactly what had gone wrong. He doesn't say anything and walks off before the next crew is assigned to go in, steadfastly not listening to the instructor as he calls after him.  
  
Keith just keeps walking, letting his feet just take him wherever because he really doesn't care where he's going, as long as he's away from anyone else.  
  
When he finally looks up Keith sees that he's made his way to the small hanger on the edge of the campus where they were storing the hoverbike. After the first failed attempt at trying to ride the vehicle he and Shiro had kept tinkering, but to no avail. In the months that Shiro had been gone, Keith wasn't able to bring himself to come back here and work on it. He had always thought that he wanted to wait for Shiro to get back to finish it up. So they could ride it together.  
  
But now they never would.  
  
In hindsight, it was probably a bad idea to start working on the engine while he was clearly not in his right mind.  
  
"Shit, fuck!" Keith sputters when his tool slips and hit the fuel line, causing it to pull out of position and splash fuel all over him. He stares at his stained hands and uniform before he lets out a grunt of frustration and throws the tool to the other side of the small hanger, not caring where it falls as it clangs against something.  
  
Why was he even doing this? He wasn't an engineer, or a technician, or even a mechanic.  
  
But usually Shiro was here. Shiro who liked to tinker and was always helping Keith and giving him tips on how to fix things and make sure everything went in the right place.  
  
Shiro...  
  
Keith slams his hands on the ground, splashing fuel up into his face. "Pilot error my ass."  
  
\--  
  
The hoverbike becomes his focus after that. Keith honestly just can't find it in himself to care for anything else. All he cared about was flying and the way things were right now, the only chance he'd get to do that was when he finished this.  
  
At first he still went to his classes, but eventually Keith realized that he wasn't paying attention, so why waste time sitting around when he could actually be doing something?  
  
That doesn't mean that he doesn't hear people talking. Before it was always about _Shiro_ and _pilot error_ and _what a shame_. But soon he could hear people talking more about him as well. Was he going to be the next prodigy to fall? Hadn't he been spending a lot of time with Shiro before he had left on his mission?  
  
Still Keith ignored them. Until the day when he hears in passing that they were going to pack Shiro's room up, make space for another officer that was taking his place.  
  
Keith's heart sinks and it is all he can do to wait until after lights out to go to Shiro's room. It had been months since he had last stepped foot inside of it. It just felt so wrong to be in the room without Shiro. After taking a minute to compose himself, he starts out packing Shiro's personal belongings. It isn't until he reaches his clothing that Keith finally realizes the finality of it all. He runs his fingers over the uniforms hung up in the closet, pristine and neat, ready to go for the next day. They still smelled of Shiro. Faintly, but it was still there.  
  
Keith has to swallow around a lump in his throat as he leaves the uniforms hanging and instead started packing up Shiro's casual clothing. It takes a little sneaking around and, in one case, sheer dumb luck that a guard sneezed and had to turn back to go into a bathroom to wipe his nose, before Keith made it back to the hanger.  
  
The hanger was a space that he knew would be safe. Because even though Shiro had been the one primarily using it, apparently it was shared between a group of friends. Nothing would be touched in here. Keith plops down on the floor next to the box and a bag that he had lugged over. He spots a shirt in the bag, which hadn't been closed properly, and pulls it out. It's worn and Keith knows for a fact it was too big on Shiro, but the older man had loved sleeping in it for whatever reason. He bunches the shirt up and brings it to his face to inhale Shiro's lingering scent. It isn't until he pulls it back that he sees that the fabric is wet.  
  
For the first time since Shiro left, all those months ago, and since he heard that he was gone, Keith lets himself cry.  
  
\--  
  
After a talk with a councillor, Keith goes to the hanger instead of class like he said he would. He's close to finished the hoverbike. So close that he can feel it in his bones.  
  
Why would he care about class at this point? It wasn't like they were doing anything that he really needed to know anyways.  
  
Keith is actually surprised when he pulls out a piece- he really wouldn't know what it was with no one around to tell him- and sees that it's worn with a hole in it. He riffles around the spare parts until he finds a replacement and puts it in position. Out of curiosity Keith turned the speeder on and jolts when the engine suddenly comes to life with a huff before running smoothly.  
  
This happened last time, so Keith isn't sure if he could trust it yet. After letting it run for a good half hour, however, he notices that the sound of the engine didn't change at all and decides that a ride was in order.  
  
He doesn't have a helmet on him, so he fishes out a clean rag and ties it over his mouth and nose, using some goggles he finds lying around to cover his eyes. "Alright girl, let's hope you work properly this time."  
  
Keith presses a button to open the hanger door, speeding out as soon as it opens up wide enough. There's excitement curling up inside of him when he makes it out farther than they did last time and he actually whoops in joy as he speeds up and starts making sharp turns.  
  
He returns to the hanger late at night. Well after dining hour, but just before lights out. Keith pats the seat of the bike with a smile before he leaves to take a shower and clean off the dust on him.  
  
It's a surprise when he sees Commander Iverson standing in front of his dorm room with a pair of officers.  
  
It isn't a surprise when he's given the fifth degree about his shoddy attendance record and recent failings in the simulators. Keith heard the spiel earlier today.  
  
"And where have you been today, cadet?" The commander asks with a snarl.  
  
And Keith- well he can't help but snarl right back. "I don't think that's any of your business."  
  
The other officers look worried when Iverson bristles and leans down over him, no doubt trying to intimidate him. "Excuse me?"  
  
"I said it was none of your damned business, _sir_." Keith says again, more pointedly this time. He suddenly remembers rumours that he heard. Of a girl breaking into the Garrison to find out what happened to the crew on the Kerberos mission. Apparently he wasn't the only one who thought the whole pilot error thing was a load of bullshit. "While we're at it, why don't you tell me what really happened with the Kerberos mission?"  
  
"Insubordination!" Iverson shouts out and Keith has really never seen someone become so red in the face before.  
  
He says some things and they go back and forth until the Commander puts his foot down and expels Keith on the spot. In that time a small crowd had formed in the hallway. Both cadets and officers watching as they shouted at each other.  
  
In the end Keith is given an hour to vacate the premises and he's fine with that. He quickly takes a shower, packs his things and goes to the hanger. The bike is loaded down with his and Shiro's belongings as he ties it all down securely and he races off into the night, not looking behind him.  
  
\--  
  
The first few days Keith just wanders, really. Doesn't know what to do with himself. He watches the fuel steadily go down until there isn't much left. Keith had gone to the town right outside the Garrison and gotten himself plenty of water and some food, but nothing really besides that.

  
The thing is that Keith doesn't want to go back to town, or any other town. Being around people isn't exactly his priority right now.  
  
His gloves creak a little as he holds onto the handlebars. Currently he's just hovering over the barren road, no sign of life anywhere close to him. The town is somewhere behind him, long hidden by the dunes and rock formations. The road keeps going, heading towards the next largest city, but that is the last place Keith wants to be right now.

So currently his choices are either to go back to the town or head to the city. Which he probably didn't even have enough fuel for.

Keith sighs as he looks out into the desert. He feels so small in comparison to everything around him and he's utterly alone. But Keith doesn't care about that. He was always a bit of a loner and just being able to take a breath of fresh air without anyone breathing down his neck was practically a blessing.

There are only two clear directions to go, but Keith knows there's a different one as he looks over the edge of the cliff. He would be able to make it. With the hoverbike he could go over the edge and still makes it out unscathed. He has never tried anything like it before, but there's something inside of him that knows that he can make it.

There's also the fact that Keith feels drawn to the endless sand and rocks in front of him. It's almost like there's a pull inside of him. Something telling him to go that way.

In the end it doesn't take long for Keith to make the decision. He just prays that he won't end up stranded in the middle of nowhere with a broken hoverbike. He reaches behind his head to make sure that the bandana is tied securely before he grabs onto the handlebars again.

Keith takes a deep breath, plants his feet down and speeds off of the cliff. For the first few seconds his stomach is turning as it feels like he is free falling, but it quickly turns into excitement because it feels like he's actually flying. It's the first time he's ever tried something like this, but the landing is only slightly bumpy. Keith's actually impressed with himself as he turns back, looking up at the cliff he just drove off of.

With a determined narrowing of his eyes, Keith looks out towards the middle of nowhere and drives off, not knowing where he is going or what he would find.

\--

There's a shack in between the endless rock formations, hidden away on a flat stretch of land. Keith can actually smell water in the air and he realizes how thirsty he actually is. The hoverbike is on its last legs. The fuel having almost completely run out. He was a little bit worried, but then he found this place.

It doesn't actually look like anyone is around, or has been around for a while. Granted, that could be because of the ever shifting sands, but Keith could tell that this isn't the case. When he peers into the house he can see a layer of dust, even through the grimy windows.

The front door isn't even locked. Keith looks at the hand holding onto the doorknob in surprise. He just wasn't expecting it to actually be open. The air that comes out is a bit musty, but not too bad. Like it had only been a few weeks since someone had come into the shack.

But the dust tells Keith differently. The shack is small. Just a living room with a tiny kitchen and a bedroom to the side. When Keith looks out the kitchen window he sees something that looks like an outhouse. He didn't even know that things like that even existed anymore, but he supposes that there's no proper plumbing out this far. There's no electricity either as far as he can tell.

Keith looks around a little more and even finds fuel that he's pretty sure that he can use for the hoverbike. On any other occasion Keith would leave, but he was satisfied enough that this place was abandoned, so he decides to stay. Also, there's the fact he's been sleeping on the hoverbike and there's an actual bed in the shack.

The pulling in his chest is actually a little less now, but it's still there. And Keith is just tired. He doesn't even remember a time when he ever felt so tired before.

Of course still he cleans up the shack first. Throws open all of the windows and starts dusting the place off.

When's he's finished Keith carries his and Shiro's things inside and leaves them in the bedroom. He falls back onto the bed with a sigh and his eyes unwillingly slip shut.

\--

The shack is a blessing in disguise. Keith inexplicably feels right at home. There's a supply of food and a well nearby where he gets water and he just likes it. The only downside is the maintenance. He's never really been one for handiwork, but he manages.

There's even a shed that's filled with tools and other supplies. That's the way that Keith finds out that the house runs off of solar energy and that there are more panels in the back of the shed. Luckily for him there's even instructions on how to use them.

That's how he spends most of his days at first. Fixing up the shack and just praying that he doesn't break the hoverbike with his tinkering. It all seems to go pretty well actually and Keith feels so at ease.

Most of the time at least.

There are quite a few days where he stares at Shiro's belongings. He doesn't have any plans to unpack them, so they just stay in the bedroom with him. Part of him wants to at least hide Shiro's things away, but he doesn't know if he can actually do it. Even though it hurts to look at Shiro's things, Keith doesn't want them gone. Tucked away to be forgotten.

Shiro deserves better than that.

So Keith always spends part of his morning looking at Shiro's things, never unpacking them, never even opening them to look at the contents, before he goes out to do maintenance on the house or the hoverbike.

It's on another scorching day that Keith is on top of the shack. There had been a loud thumping noise in the night that had woken him up and he'd spotted a hole in the roof. It's the first thing on his list of things to do for the day, because the rest can wait. A hole in the roof can't. There's already a mound of sand inside of the house by the time he's ready to go outside and there's already sand everywhere. Keith doesn't need to see more of it.

He wipes the sweat away from his brow, his bangs sticking to his face and his fingers ache because he hit himself with the hammer more times than he was willing to admit. The hole is patched now, but Keith has to wait and see if it really holds.

All he really wants to do is go back inside. Drink some water from the well and clean himself off to get rid of the sand, but the pull is strong today.

It's been thrumming under his skin ever since he left the garrison, but Keith has been ignoring it for a few weeks now. Although now the pull is the strongest it's ever been.

It's almost as if he's running on autopilot as he slides down from the roof and quickly goes inside to grab some supplies to take with him. Keith has no idea where he's going, but he's not going to let himself be caught out in the desert with nothing on hand. That was a death sentence waiting to happen.

After some contemplation Keith gets onto the hoverbike. This way he can find wherever he is going a lot faster, he hopes.

He starts the hoverbike, excitement blossoming in his chest as he turns it into the direction of where the pull is coming from. The last time Keith had felt so excited was when he and Shiro had taken the hoverbike out for their failed test and that felt like it was eons ago now.

One would think that it would be easy to get lost in the desert, but Keith finds that he's able to navigate pretty well. Mostly in the way of remembering the small details and Keith makes sure to look around so he could find his way back to the shack.

He stays out until the sun starts setting and the bitter cold of the night starts bearing down on him, but he feels like he made progress. The pulling doesn't subside by any means when Keith gets back to the shack. In fact, the excitement that he felt earlier in the day is only increased.

Keith knows that he's close. The pull inside of him feels like it’s alive and Keith can tell that it's only a matter of time before he finds what he's looking for.

\--

A matter of time turns out to be weeks, which stretch out into months. In that time the living room has become a bit of a mess. It's an organized mess, Keith would argue. It's just likely that he would be the only one who could tell.

The wall across from the couch is full of maps and photographs of the area. Keith feels like he has followed the pull- the energy, as he's come to call it, from so many different directions. He's tried to get to the source of it from every angle, but he's yet to actually find where he's really going.

Sometimes he sits on the couch, just staring at everything that he's hung up on the wall. Just to take a step back and see if it all makes any sense.

He's not sure how he comes to the conclusion, it might just be because of another sleepless night or there was something in the water, but Keith manages to pull all the data from the different maps together onto one and he realizes that the energy lines that he's been following seem to all head towards the same thing.

It's a rock formation that he's been travelling all over for who even knew how long anymore and Keith knows that something is there. There has to be. He would just have to find it is all. Which isn't a problem. Not really.

If you ignore the fact that there's dozens of towering rocks in the formation and Keith doesn't know if he's supposed to be looking low or high. The hoverbike is actually proving to be invaluable, even if he tries to take it out as little as possible. During the day he can use the solar panels he installed, but they don't store energy and he has to ration his fuel for when he drives around at night.

Keith is close. So close, in fact, that he feels like he'll actually find what he is looking for this time.

In the end he finds it by complete accident. The sun is beating down on his head and his hair is so hot that he feels like it could spontaneously combust at any moment, so Keith steers the hoverbike into a small cave that he spots carved in the bottom of a rock formation, hidden between two big rock pillars.

He's just pulled in when his hair completely stands on end and a chill violently goes through him. Keith pushes himself off of the bike and stumbles to the closest wall to him.

There's a pressure on him, almost like the pull has intensified exponentially and Keith has to take a few gasping breaths to get himself under control. It isn't until he reaches back to place his hands on the wall behind him that everything settles in an instant when he feels grooves underneath his fingers.

Keith turns around, his head still aching and he sees the faint outlines of what seems to be drawings on the cave wall.

It's caked in dust and sand, so he has to brush a hand over the wall to reveal them some more and his heart flutters when he sees a lion depicted in front of him.

Whatever negative feelings he had earlier were gone, as if they simply fell off him and Keith scrambles to reveal more of the drawings on the wall. He doesn't know how long it's been when he finally steps back, his wiping finally finished, but there the drawings are- in all their glory.

The pull settles in his chest, almost like its energy is curling up inside of him, finally content- and in the back of his mind, Keith registers that the hoverbike is still running and it's so stupid. They should know better than to waste. He's gotten lectures before on wasting resources and he turns around to reprimand.

"Sheesh, Shiro. The least you could do is-" The words die in Keith's mouth when he turns around fully and there's no one there. Whatever ease Keith felt before is gone in an instant.

_Shiro._

Shiro isn't here. He's never been here before and there is no reason to even think that he would be with Keith right now.

But it feels like Shiro should be here. He _should_ be. For whatever reason Keith can't fathom why Shiro isn't here with him at this moment.

This isn't something that he was supposed to find alone. Someone else was supposed to be here and Keith's just hears Shiro's name echoing in his mind along with other whispers that he can't decipher. Not when he's so distraught.

The thing is, Keith has been dealing with Shiro not being here anymore, as horrible as it might sound. Shiro isn't here and he isn't coming back.

Keith wretches himself back around to look at the drawings again. They mean something, and Keith is going to find out what.

"Patience yields focus," he mutters to himself as he gets himself in the mindset to try and work this out. It's something that Shiro said to him many times before when they were working on the hoverbike or sparring with each other. It's not necessarily a thought that sticks in Keith's mind often, but it's there from time to time. When he really needs it.

He spends the night in the cave. Staying up all night to take pictures and try to make sense of the drawings as he's standing by them. The cold wind that enters the cave is ignored, even as it brushes against the sweaty back of his neck.

Keith is sleep deprived and achy by the time he makes it back to the shack at around dinner time the next day.

When he wakes up, his back protesting because he fell asleep slumped against the table, and his nose is clogged and there's a hoarse cough that practically rips out of him, Keith finds that he doesn't care.

This is more important.

And it means _something_.

Keith just has to find out what.

\--

Even with all his determination, Keith has bad days.

Most are alright, others are...the worst.

Sometimes he spends hours curled up in bed, not having the will to get up at all. Sometimes he stares at the maps and pictures on the wall and he thinks to himself that it isn't fair.

Keith wants to share all of this with Shiro. Because Shiro would have absolutely loved this and the worst part- is that sometimes Keith can see him.

He sees Shiro standing next to the mess on the wall. One arm wrapped across his chest and the other propped up to hold onto his chin as his gaze narrows, scrutinizes the work that Keith has done.

Seeing Shiro standing next to what he's done isn't bad. It's heartbreaking when Shiro turns to him and his mouth is moving and Keith- Keith can't hear anything. He can't hear anything and he doesn't know why until one night when he realizes that he doesn't remember what Shiro sounds like.

Keith doesn't remember the sound of his voice for the life of him.

Once he heard that that's the first thing that you forget when someone is gone, but he never really expected the experience to hit him so hard.

Keith caves and finally opens up the duffel with Shiro's clothes. The scent that was on them is practically gone now. He has to dig down deep to find something that still held the lingering scent and he aches so much.

Because he knows that he loved the sound of Shiro's voice. Loved the way that Shiro's casual clothes were always wore and so comfortable when he always look so proper in comparison in his officers uniform. Keith loved the way Shiro's lips curled up into a smile that was always specifically point at him and he loves it when Shiro touches him. His hands always so gentle with Keith, even after they became more and more comfortable around each other. Keith just loves everything about him. Keith is in love with Shiro and he doesn't regret feeling that way.

The only thing that he regrets is that he didn't know before Shiro left. That he couldn't tell Shiro.

He regrets that he would never be able to tell Shiro now. Never be able to see the moment of shocked surprise on Shiro's face before it melted into a tender look with a soft smile and Shiro - _hopefully, oh god he couldn't be the only one to feel this way_ \- saying it back to him.

A wrecked sob bubbles up from deep inside of Keith, his face pressed up against Shiro's clothing and his legs pulled up right against his chest.

\--

After a while Keith hits a dead end.

He can stare at everything he's worked on for hours and hours, but nothing comes up.

Keith knows that the ancient drawings all point out to the same thing. A blue lion. What he doesn't know is what it means or why he's felt connected to it all this time.

The last bit he can decipher is that something is coming, and it's coming very soon. Keith just can't tell what or why it's important in connection to the blue lion.

For a while he feels lost again. For the past few months this investigation has been his everything. It's the entire reason that Keith has been able to keep himself going out here in the desert, all by himself. And now he's run into a wall and there's no way around or through it.

The only thing that he can do is wait. Wait for the arrival and see why it's so important and just hope that it'll give him more answers.

Keith is ready the night that it happens. When he sees what looks like a fireball enter the atmosphere and crash into the canyon. Somehow he just knows that this is what he has been waiting for and it’s only confirmed when the pull starts up again, even though it's been dormant for a while now.

Whatever crashed landed in the vicinity of the garrison and Keith knows that he'll never make it before the military, so he stocks up on things that could be useful.

Of course, it turns out that his hunch was right, because it can't have been more than an hour since the crash and there's already a whole instillation set up around the landing zone.

Keith needs a distraction to slip in and he manages to set up some explosives that he sets off right before he makes his way to the main tent.

He makes sure that the bottom half of his face is covered with his bandana before he flies in and he hurries inside.

It's almost laughably easy to make his way through. Scientists aren't really the hardiest of people and Keith basically just has to shove them aside to get them out of his way.

In the main room there's a few people and they're standing around a figure in the middle, strapped to a table and Keith rushes forward, taking all of them out. He makes it to the table and he reaches over to see who this person was in front of him and his heart skips a beat.

His skin might be lighter, there might be a large scar over the bridge of his nose and there's a shock of white hair, but this is someone that Keith could never forget. Could never mistake anyone else for.

It’s Shiro.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next, the angst we've all been waiting for. (I can't help myself, I'm sorry, not sorry.)
> 
> I am a dumpster collecting trash. Join me on [Tumblr](http://flashthroughlight.tumblr.com/).

**Author's Note:**

> I am a dumpster collecting trash. Join me on [Tumblr](http://flashthroughlight.tumblr.com/).


End file.
